30,000 People Sign Petition to Bring Back Turtle-Hating Plastic McDonald’s Straws

A viral video of a plastic straw being painfully extracted from the nostril of a bleeding turtle isn’t enough of a reason to switch to paper, according to more than 34,000 people who’ve signed a petition to bring back plastic.

The eloquently-written petition by someone called Martin Reed calls on McDonald’s to “Get rid on [sic] the waste of time paper straws,” and claims this is important “so I can drink my milkshake proper” [sic].

The paper straws apparently make it difficult to suck up the thick McDonald’s milkshakes, as well as going soggy with some other drinks.

Comments on the petition include:

“I signed this petition because they banned plastic straws so they don’t use plastic but there kids are made out of plastic n there Mcflurry spoons are made of plastic and i want to drink my milkshake properly and when I do the straw goes soggy and i cant drink it” [sic — the whole thing, we can’t be bothered to correct all the individual errors]

“You get bit paper in you mouth when try to drink stuff” [sic]

“Ruined Tango they have.”

“The paper straws go soggy and my drink taste [sic] different”

“Cunty straws.”

McDonald’s has been replacing its old plastic straws with paper in all of its 1,361 branches in the UK and Ireland, and says it’s had lots of positive feedback.

A spokesman tells the Mirror:

“Our suppliers have made us paper straws that last at least 30 minutes in most, if not all liquids.

They were introduced following customer feedback, and we are pleased to be doing the right thing in removing plastic.”

While it is deeply, deeply depressing that so many people think some minor inconvenience while sipping their takeaway drink is worth endangering and hurting innocent sea creatures, it’s worth remembering that the original petition to ban plastic straws at McDonald’s was signed almost 500,000 times. That puts the turtle-haters very much in the minority, although it’d be even better if they’d get in the sea themselves.

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